hey light (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} heylight) wrote,@ 2009-10-20 23:59:00 |
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on a lot
wheres the major to my minor ? my inverse interval, symmetric about the focus, the same but different. complementary aspect, yin to my yang, duality that ends duality. who will listen to my listening ? what have i gleaned and gained ? why these questions ? maybe im averse to art that boasts CERTAINTY when ive developed a faith in uncertainty. maybe i disliked my poems cause i noted their false certainty. thats insincerity. how do you know by not knowing ? how can you say what you dont know ? what does saturn have to do with anything ? why does anyone stop asking questions ? ugh. sometimes i feel too good at listening, that it alienates me. that it fills me with a pride and vanity thats sinful, dismissive, that i feed into my own isolation. i am like everyone else ! i want to feel that i am understood, that someone truly sees not what i see but HOW i see, that it invigorates them. i recognize my SMALLNESS, assure myself the necessary existence of those with similar aspects, complements. when does it become my fault ? when does my reticence or surrender to fate become delusional, unproductive ? am i just scuttling sideways anyway ? sometimes my self-awareness disgusts me. yet im appreciative. i recognize the path thats allowed me to know these things, to be these things, to find whatever it is ive found. why do i remain impatient ? and somehow assume that i will eventually reach some pinnacle, be a 'wanderer above the sea of fog' when i know ive felt that exaltation before and it was false. it conflates ego and after all if you understand the infinite you know you cant get there. saturn has gone from my 10th to 11th house ? am i slowly leaving the 'winter' of my youth ? almost three years til saturn returns (in libra ..). what does this mean ? am i to find a balance with restriction ? ugh. what now ! ?
wheres the major to my minor ? my inverse interval, symmetric about the focus, the same but different. complementary aspect, yin to my yang, duality that ends duality. who will listen to my listening ? what have i gleaned and gained ? why these questions ? maybe im averse to art that boasts CERTAINTY when ive developed a faith in uncertainty. maybe i disliked my poems cause i noted their false certainty. thats insincerity. how do you know by not knowing ? how can you say what you dont know ? what does saturn have to do with anything ? why does anyone stop asking questions ? ugh. sometimes i feel too good at listening, that it alienates me. that it fills me with a pride and vanity thats sinful, dismissive, that i feed into my own isolation. i am like everyone else ! i want to feel that i am understood, that someone truly sees not what i see but HOW i see, that it invigorates them. i recognize my SMALLNESS, assure myself the necessary existence of those with similar aspects, complements. when does it become my fault ? when does my reticence or surrender to fate become delusional, unproductive ? am i just scuttling sideways anyway ? sometimes my self-awareness disgusts me. yet im appreciative. i recognize the path thats allowed me to know these things, to be these things, to find whatever it is ive found. why do i remain impatient ? and somehow assume that i will eventually reach some pinnacle, be a 'wanderer above the sea of fog' when i know ive felt that exaltation before and it was false. it conflates ego and after all if you understand the infinite you know you cant get there. saturn has gone from my 10th to 11th house ? am i slowly leaving the 'winter' of my youth ? almost three years til saturn returns (in libra ..). what does this mean ? am i to find a balance with restriction ? ugh. what now ! ?
